A brand new feature for Ibiza Club News sees agony aunt D’eivissa St. Anthony dish out a daily dose of much needed advice to the island’s clubbers. If you’d like to share your problems with D’eivissa or ask her advice you can message the Ibiza Club News Facebook page to the attention of Dear D’eivissa. Up today we’ve got Al from Windsor who’s having some issues with his tackle.

Dear D’eivissa,

Me and my friends just got back from a totally awesome week in Ibiza. While I was there I shagged a ton of girls but since I’ve got home I’ve noticed some weird looking warty things on my todger. I’m not sure what they are. Do you think I should tell my girlfriend and get them checked out or just act like nothing happened and hope they go away?

Al – Windsor

Hi Al,
First off, I just want to say that you are a horrible little cunt. Not only have you totally ripped your girlfriend off but you’re also considering not telling her that you’ve got an STI. Those horrible little things on your flute are genital warts. Get used to them because blokes like you tend to have them quite a lot. You don’t even deserve the dick they’re on. To think there’s guys out there who can’t even get it up and you’ve got a perfectly functioning cock. Break up with your girlfriend, she can do better, then get a kitchen knife and chop your horrible little prick clean off. You disgusting cretin.

D’eivissa