Here at Ibiza Club News we do not condone the use of any drugs but we’re also not blind, we see drug use happening in every nook and cranny of the island, especially ketamine. So, in order to promote safe drug use, we’ve put together a list of Ibiza’s five worst ketamine experiences.

Barry from Doncaster

Barry came to the island for six days in September and stayed in one of San Antonio’s many budget hotels. On the second night of his holiday Barry decided to “see what all the fuss was about” and bought himself two grams of ket. Unfortunately for Barry he took two “coke sized lines” and ended up shitting his pants on the West End. As if this wasn’t embarrassing enough Barry’s poo attracted a swarm of ants who treated him to over two hundred painfully itchy bites.

Sue from London

Sue has been coming to Ibiza every year since 2009 and, until this year, she’s never had a single bad experience. Sadly her run came crashing to an end this year after she took some ket and decided to go skinny dipping in one of San Antonio’s fountains. Unlucky for Sue she misjudged the fountains depth and belly flopped straight onto the hard concrete surface leaving herself embarrassed, naked and suffering from first degree scrapes all down her face and chest.

Ross from Dublin

Twenty three year old Ross makes our list following an unfortunate incident with a Looky Looky Man. Following a four day ket binge, Ross, known to his friends as a Ket Monster, decided he needed a new pair of sunglasses and, while still a bit wobbly, insisted on buying every pair that the obliging Looky Looky man was carrying, all for the low low price of €400. After waking up the next day to find he had spent all of his money on genuine Ray Berry sunglasses Ross done the only thing he could have done, called his dad and asked for a loan, which he received and happily spent on more ket.

Murray from Glasgow

Murray visited the white isle in mid July and stayed in Playa d’en Bossa’s Jet Apartments. Following a day of swigging Buckfast, listening to music and bumping ket by the pool, Murray and his gang of mates decided on a trip to Sankeys. However, Murray’s night ended in disaster after managing to get himself locked in a toilet cubicle for six hours. Convinced he was going to die of thirst, the desperate Scotsman done the unthinkable and drank the some smelly piss water straight from the toilet bowl. Although he avoided any damage to his health he has been left severely emotionally scared by the incident.

Beverly from Cardiff

Beverly makes our list after a wild ket binge during a brief seventy two hour visit to Ibiza in early June. According to the twenty four year old, she “can’t remember a thing” after landing and checking into her San Antonio hotel. Beverly’s nightmare didn’t start until four weeks after she got home when she realised she was pregnant. After thinking she had been celibate for the last six months Beverly claimed “she must have shagged someone while on ket”. Things went from bad to worse last month after Beverly’s doctor told her she was expecting triplets after an ultrasound scan.