In many ways Ibiza is a mysterious island, there’s Es Vedra and its magnetic mythology, the age old question of “who actually goes to Es Paradise?” and, the biggest mystery of them all, what’s in a Looky Looky Man’s Aldi bag. So, to stop your collective minds racing, Ibiza Club News has delved deeper than any online publication has ever dared to delve before and put together a list of 5 things you’ll find in every Looky Looky Man’s Aldi bag.
Packed lunch
No Looky Looky Man worth his weight in fake Rolexes will leave his house without a packed lunch. These are some of Ibiza’s hardest workers and they put in some humongous shifts. Expect to find high energy, non perishable foods, like Nutella sandwiches and tinned fish, and it wouldn’t be Ibiza without the after meal shot of Hierbas to help the digestion process along.
A disguise
We all know that Looky Looky Men are illegal operators, and just like many of the other illegal operators on the streets of Ibiza they are an integral part of the island’s underground economy. That however does not make their job any less daunting and nobody wants to get on the wrong side of the Guardia. So, in case they need to disappear into the crowd, every good Looky Looky Man will have a disguise, and what better way to fit seamlessly into a crowd than a pair of novelty cock nose glasses.
Fake coke
Anyone who’s ever bought coke from a Looky Looky Man will be able to confirm that it is 100% percent garbage. Don’t be fooled by their claims that it is “straight from Colombia”, while these claims are true at the moment it is not because their carrying some smooth Colombian flake, it’s because a bumper harvest in Colombia last year yielded an extra high influx of wheat, resulting in the country producing almost twice their annual quota of flour, with the majority of the surplus being sent to Ibiza to be sold as fake coke by Looky Looky Men.
Breath mints
These are there for two reasons. Reason one; nobody wants to buy umbrella hats, Ronex watches or Ray Berry sunglasses from a Looky Looky Man with stinky breath. A recent survey found that minty fresh breath increased sales by up to 10,000%. Reason two; breath mints are almost identical in size and appearance to pills. A recent survey found that ten out of ten drunk Brits would buy a breath mint in place of a pill.
A picture of Frankie Muniz
A little known fact about Looky Looky Men is that they are all Munizites, a small religious sect founded in 2002 and based completely around the teachings of the hit TV show Malcolm in the Middle. Looky Looky Men will stop at least five times a day to pray to Frankie Muniz and, according to Ibiza Club New sources, Looky Looky Men face a fine of up to ten fake gold chains if they’re found without a picture of Muniz in their bag.