If like me you often feel a little bit over dressed while soaking up the rays in Ibiza and worry about having large, shorts shaped tan lines when you go home but lack the confidence to wear a skimpy pair of Speedos, this post is definitely for you. It’s the modern era, gender equality and feminism have never been more in the forefront of peoples’ minds, yet a man can’t wear a simple thong without facing patronising glances and attracting degrading comments from onlookers on the beach. So, in order to help you feel less self conscious when breaking out your skimpies, we’ve put together a simple guide on how to wear a thong in Ibiza – for boys.
Try to find something that fits properly
One of the most important aspects of wearing a thong is that you feel comfortable. Nobody wants to be wearing a thong that chafes your nuts or crack so size is an extremely important part of choosing the right thong. Ask you local thong supplier to get their measuring tape out when shopping to insure the perfect fit.
Don’t be too hairy
Hair and thongs don’t really go too well together, there’s a reason why women always get their bikini areas waxed before a holiday and it’s not because they like having it done. To avoid any unnecessary pain and impromptu hair removal visit your local beautician for a back, sack and crack treatment before your holiday.
Less is not always more
Remember it’s not a competition to see who can wear the smallest thong. Sometimes a bit of modesty can go a long way and while you want to be as comfortable as possible you don’t want to be flashing your cock, bollox or arsehole around the beach. Try dress appropriately for your own package and your surroundings and you’ll be alright.
Keep your distance
It’s important to remember that you’re not a Victoria’s Secret model and while you might get great enjoyment out of looking at yourself in a thong not everyone else on the beach will be so keen. Avoid bending over, lunging or making any unnecessary hip thrusting movements when in close proximity of others, particularly if there are children around, also try to keep a two meter radius between yourself and all sunbathers at all times.
Don’t forget to stuff
This one won’t apply to everyone, especially not me, but if you feel that you’re a little bit lacking in the trouser department it may be a good idea to stuff your thong to add mass and boost your confidence. A pair of rolled up socks can be an excellent addition to any man’s package and won’t shrivel to the size of a peanut when confronted with cold seawater. Remember not to go too overboard here. You don’t want a drenched sock embarrassingly falling out of your thong and nobody likes a show off.